jeanne ♥

One hot day in July, Joni decided to take a dive in the cold waters of Chesapeake Bay. After the dive, she felt something hit her head, and then many things happened simultaneously. Her body sprawled out of control; she heard or felt a loud electric buzzing and unexplainable inner sensation. But she didn’t feel any pain. Joni felt like she was tied up from head to foot, she don’t know where she was or how did she get there. She tried to move but she can’t, the only thing that can make her move is the small wave of the bay. She was confused, and trying to patch everything in her head.

“What’s wrong I hit my head? Am I unconscious? …Will someone see me? No, I am alive”, her thoughts made her feel scared and she started to struggle in breathing. She is so motivated to move, she has to breathe. At the point where she thought she was dying, she heard someone calling her name. She first thought it was God, calling her to explain everything she had done wrong. She thought it was death calling her, but she doesn’t want to die yet. She thought of her family, her dad, mom, and her boyfriend.

“Joni, are you alright?”, it was her sister, Kathy, asking if she was looking for some shells. Kathy pulled her up, and at last she found air. She thanked God for answering her prayer, for giving her air. But when she looked at her body, fear strikes again, she wasn’t tied up after all. Her body was floating motionless. She felt embarrassment when she heard people whispering, and it made her feel more confused on what is happening. She asked Kathy to make them leave.

Kathy called for an ambulance, and just before it came, Joni told her in panic that she can’t feel her body. Kathy was holding her, but she can’t feel it. Until Kathy rest her arm on Joni’s shoulder, with relief and joy, Joni felt it.

The relief of having a feeling in a part of Joni’s body made her assured that she’s going to be fine. Before Joni was carried to the ambulance, she told Kathy and Butch, Kathy’s boyfriend, that she’s going to be fine. She even felt sorry for the attendant who assisted them, and told him that she’s going to feel her body soon. But the attendant just brushed off the sand on her face and smiled at her.

Joni was hoping for a positive remark on her condition, but she gets nothing at all. She started to recite inside her head the Word of God to be her comforter.

“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:

he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the

paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:

for thou art with me;

thy rod and thy staff they comfort me”

The smell of the hospital and the sight of doctors and nurses make her feel so helpless. The longer she stayed there, the longer she wanted to be home with her parents. Tears started to fill her eyes and her heart was filled with fear. When nurses came to her cubicle, she started asking them about her condition, but they kept on saying that they can’t answer her, “Regulations”. They seemed like a robot or an answering machine to her.

Another nurse came in to her cubicle with forms to fill out.

“Name please.”

“Joni Eareckson.”

“Johnny? J-o-h-n-n-y?”

“No. Its pronounced Johnny – after my father—but it is spelled as J-o-n-i.”

Finally, a doctor came in, Dr. Sherrill, he had a long pin and he started to examine Joni’s body. Just like what Kathy did, she asked Joni if she feels something on the part where he pricks his long pin. He had been pricking Joni’s feet and legs, but she still felt nothing. Finally she felt something on her shoulder. The same spot where she felt something on the beach with Kathy. The doctor explained nothing to her, he wrote something on his clipboard. The other staffs began to appear, and started to prepare the different instruments they use to treat patients, while Dr. Sherrill called another doctor and discussed Joni’s condition. Joni can hear them clearly; they talked about fracture dislocation, fourth and fifth cervical level, and other medical terms. Even though she can hear them talk about her condition, she can’t understand what it was all about, whether she’ll be fine or not, if she can go home afterwards or stay for a couple of days for treatment.

Later on, the doctor gave instructions to one of the nurses attended on her earlier, then someone injected something on her arm, she felt nothing. Dr. Sherrill shaved her head with an electric razor. She felt dizziness and faint, she pleaded them to stop, but it seems like they didn’t hear her. Then she heard a high-pitched tone, a drill!

Joni, for the first time, felt peace and relax. She never cared if she’s lying naked on the hospital bed, or their drilling her head, she didn’t feel scared at all. She drifted into a deep sleep.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:

for thou art with me;”

Joni woke up from her deep sleep, and she thought she heard a drill, and she wanted to shout at them to stop. She tried to shout, but she can’t. She tried to open her eyes, but everything was spinning. She had been sleeping for few days, and it’s because of the medications the doctors gave her. And she had nightmares during her sleep. One of her nightmares was with Jason Leverton, her steady all throughout high school. Joni was naked, and they were facing an apostle, then suddenly the apostle pulled out a sword and swung it in her direction, striking her square on the neck and cutting off her head. Joni would wake up crying and afraid. This same dream haunts her every time she falls asleep.

She learned that the device that she was using as bed was a Stryker Frame. It looked like she was in a canvas sandwich held tightly by straps. She was not really lying, she was hanging. Nurses would turn her over 180 degrees every two hours, and held the weights attached to the “ice tongs” calipers.

She also learned that she is in an ICU, stands for Intensive Care Unit. She started to be more aware in the place where she was and who she with. She has a room mate who shot her wife and tried to kill himself. There is also a woman who keeps on pleading the nurses to give her ice cream or cigarettes. There is also a young girl like Joni inside the ICU, but she’s in coma as the result of injuries sustained in a car accident.

Tom, also belong to Joni’s ward, have the same accident like Joni. He is using a resuscitator to breathe, and when they learned that they had the similar accident they began to send notes back and forth. The nurses and visitors write the letters for them. At night, Joni would hear the moaning of her room mates, and the sound of Tom’s resuscitator, it was a comforting sound for her. Joni wondered how Tom looked like, so she decided to ask him for a photo. But later that night, the resuscitator stopped, silence filled the room, panic seized Joni, she wanted to cry for help, but her voice broke. Later on, nurses started running toward Tom’s bed, and instructions followed, but one doctor said that there’s no need for a new resuscitator. Tom’s dead. The same thing happened with the new comer and had the same case like Joni. He also died.

Joni’s heart was filled with fear. She never wanted to sleep, afraid that she won’t wake up again. What if’s filled her head. What if her Stryker Frame would fail, or the tongs came out from her head, what would happen to her?

Because of the death of her room mates, Joni is more eager to learn about her conditions, and her nurses and doctors made her feel safe and assured. Every day doctors came to see her and discuss about her condition.

“She has total quadriplegia, the result of a diagonal fracture between the four and fifth cervical levels.”

She knew that she was paralyzed, but she never knew why, how, or for how long. The doctors never tell her, they never explain. The nurses would say that she should ask the doctors, and the doctors would say that she’s doing fine and they’ll take care of her. But still her thoughts were negative. She has a broken neck, like the man in the story The Black Beauty who fell from the horse, broke his neck and died.

She thought that she is in the room of the dying people and indeed, she’s going to die too, just like Tom, and the other man. They are just afraid to tell her.

The days passed, and Joni was still inside the ICU, she finally decided that she wasn’t going to die. Her other room mates had died, or got better and transferred to a regular hospital rooms, but Joni stayed. She got no better, but no worse.

She learned to took offs the nightmares and negative thinking by mesmerizing her happy memories with her family and loved-ones before the accident.

Joni had a happy life with her family and friends; there was no tragedy then, only happiness. She thought maybe it was because of her father. Her father, Johnny Eareckson, where Joni got her name from, was a very creative person. Her dad almost did everything, just like Jack of all trade, from being a sailor to owning his own rodeo.

Johnny Earekson filled his life with hobbies – horses, sculpture, paintings and building things – his handwork literally covering the walls and shelves of their home. He told Joni that every thing that his hand had made was out of depression, depression that came from the people who don’t have jobs. So he thought that he has hands that God gave to carve, and it doesn’t cost anything. He also was an athlete, and he passed this kind of personality to his children.

When Johnny visited his daughter in the hospital, he tried to keep the same genial, positive spirit Joni always knew. But his hands that were shaking reveal the real feeling he had for her beloved daughter. He was hurt for her daughter.

Joni’s mom, Lindy has a strong personality; she was the source of strength of the family. She is also athletic and share Joni’s dad interests. She taught Joni, and her sisters to swim, play tennis and hiking. Even though there where some arguments at times in there house, still love mend everything.

Lindy took charge in the hospital; she stayed there around the clock for the first four days, she never left the hospital until she’s assured that Joni’s out of danger.

Since they were a close family, her sisters Kathy, Jay and Linda also help to take care of Joni inside the hospital.

Kathy was dark-haired, pretty and shy. She’s the one who pulled Joni from the beach. She has a boyfriend, Butch who was with her and Joni the day of the accident.

Jay was quiet and graceful. She’s the closest to Joni. She’s married and had a little girl named Kay that time. Whenever she’s going to spend some time with Joni, she would bring plants and posters to make Joni feel at home. She would also bring some Seventeen magazines to read with Joni.

Linda, the oldest sister, was married and had three children. Her age gap from Joni was about ten years, so she wasn’t that close with Joni unlike Jay and Kathy.

Happy memories with her family made her feel lighter and forget about her nightmares and the pain. Happy times in her high school years made her feel better too.

Joni studied in WoodlawnSenior High School; it was located in a scenic part of suburban Baltimorearea. She was named ‘Captain’ of her team in lacrosse. In her sophomore year, she joined an organization called Young Life, a religious-oriented youth work that ministers high school kids.

The organization had a retreat where her eyes were opened by God’s Word. The speaker, Carl told them,

“It is impossible to reach heaven by trying to stick to a list of moral do’s and don’ts. There’s just no way any one of us can live up to those commandments God has laid down.”

Those words made Joni wondered, “Me, a sinner?” She thought of those things she did wrong, and the consequence of sin, death! Through analyzing what the speaker said, she realized that no people can save her from sin, not even herself, and that’s the reason why God sent His only Son to die at the Calvaryto save all the people from the wages of sin. To save her!

She gazed the sky, and she behold the beauty of God’s creation, and she felt the love God for her. She closed her eyes and prayed,

“Oh, God, I see my sin; yet I also see Your mercy. Thank You for sending Your Son, Jesus, to die for me. I’ve decided in my heart not to do those things which will grieve You anymore. Instead of doing things my way, I want Christ to sit in the throne of my life & lead me. Thank You for saving me from sin and giving me eternal life.”

She continued being faithful to the organization and was eager to learn more about God and grow more to glorify God. Even her relationship with her boyfriend, Jason, was affected of her wanting to grow in God. Joni and Jason had to stop seeing each other because of their lose control when they are together. They both knew that when are they doing was wrong, yet they don’t know how to stop. They’ll just end up at each others arms and realizes that they had lost their control again.

Jason introduced Dick to Joni, a friend and a serious type of guy. He was tall, lean, and good looking just like Jason, but as they became closer, Joni realizes that Dick was way better than Jason.

After the graduation, Joni was not sure if she still wanted to continue studying for college, and she don’t know what really God wanted her to be to glorify Him and make her feel happy. Because even though she rides the horses, and learns more tricks, she’s still confused and feels so empty inside.

She would pray to God,

“Lord, if You’re really there, do something in my life that will change me and turn me around. You know how weak I was with Jason. You know how possessive and jealous I am with Dick. I’m sick of the hypocrisy! I want You to work in my life for real. I don’t know how – I don’t even know, at this point, if You ca. But I’m begging You – please do something in my life to turn it around!”

That was Joni’s prayer short time before her accident. And then as she mesmerizes this prayer, she wondered if this was God’s answer to her prayer.

Dick always read a passage from the Bible to comfort Joni.

“All things worked together for good.”

But then Joni didn’t feel comforted at all. She got irritated and complained on every suffering she had because of the accident. It seemed to her that God intended to make her suffer. Often times she would ask God why did He allowed this to happen.

Sometimes Jason would come and visit her, and he even make the situation worse, he don’t believe that God meant something good for Joni. He even wanted Joni to forget about God’s will to her body. He wants Joni to fight without God.

But even though Joni was slowly losing her faith, Dick was still strong, and faithfully he continued the Bible reading with Joni. And when Joni feels fine, she would be like a little girl that was so sorry for being a stubborn kid. And sometimes even if the weather outside is bad and the rain is pouring hard, she would say that it has been a great day for her. He even sneak a puppy inside the hospital to play with Joni, just to make her feel better and jolly.

Joni still wasn’t sure about her condition so she kept on asking the doctor and Dr. Sherrill kept on telling her about fracture-dislocation, which was ‘a broken neck’ to Joni’s understanding. But she also thought that she’s going to die, and the doctor made it clear to her that she’s not going to die. Not necessarily. It just means that she’s has a very serious accident and passing the crisis for four weeks make her a survivor unlike others. The doctor even told her about the surgery she should be under going when she became much stronger, this surgery will fuse her bones back together.

‘Fuse back together’. In Joni’s understanding, it was about to having those feelings back, she’ll be able to walk and move again. But her thoughts though positive were wrong. Her bones just needed to be fused up, but it doesn’t mean that it will help her walk again. Dr. Sherrill assured them that later on, Joni can use her arms again, but never to walk again.

The news was so painful for Joni and her parents. They never realized that this will happen to their child. But even though Joni felt like she was shot in her heart by the doctor’s revelation, she still has the faith to tell her parents that God will help her walk again, and prove the doctor wrong. She’ll survive and God will help her, Joni assured her parents.

As the effect on the surgery to Joni, she lost her appetite and haven’s eaten for weeks yet. So the chef of hospital visited her and asked her what she wanted to eat, or what she had been eating before the accident. This seemed like a special favor to her, but still she refused to eat anything that was served to her.

Due to her lost of appetite for eating, she started to loose weight and it became obvious with her face. She became so thin that she doesn’t look like living at all. Once, her high school friends visited her to the hospital and were shocked on what they saw, one of them retch and vomit while the other sobbed loudly.

Joni wondered and was hurt by their reaction and asked Jackie, her close friend from high school, to bring her the mirror. Jackie refused at first and told her that she doesn’t have any mirror at all, but Joni lost her temper and shouted at her that make Jackie ran to the nurses’ station and ask for a mirror. Joni screamed with horror of what she saw. She said she won’t ever look at the mirror again.

Joni felt so bad that she wanted to die, rather that looking dead. She started asking Jackie to help her end her life. Joni wanted to die, but Jackie refused and told her how much she and Joni’s family and other friends love her. Jackie told her that she can’t do it and she will never do it. Joni continue begging her, she wanted to end her life than be looking dead. But Jackie was strong and never agreed on Joni, and later on she managed to calm Joni down.

Jackie promised to bring Dick with her when she comes back to share God’s Word with Joni. Joni smiled and thanked her friend for the love she showed her. She also said sorry for the trouble she made earlier that day.

Joni continued life with the striker for months until she had a therapy in Greenoaks. This rehabilitation center made her feel great at first and she promised her doctors that she’ll be seeing them again not in the hospital but in the McDonald’s and that will be a date. She has a strong faith that she can walk again after the rehab, and with that faith, the doctors was proud of her.

Inside the rehabilitation, she made some new friends that was also has broken necks and paralyzed body. Some of them are in the Stryker Frame and some are in their wheel chairs. They all welcomed her with smiled, except for one, Ann.

Ann smokes and has a bad temper, and bad mouth when talking. Everybody knew Ann’s attitude, and everybody dreaded her attitude, but Joni, with her sweet and concern voice, she told Ann that smoking might cause her cancer and that will make her life shorter. Ann told Joni to do her own thing and that that is main point why she smokes, to make her life shorter.

Family and friends from high school and Young Life visited her at Greenoaks and study God’s Word. One of her friends from Young Life, Diana, encourages her with God’s Word, just like Dick. And this went on for months in Greenoaks. Joni also enjoyed the Physical Therapy she had been doing. This keeps her away from boredom.

On the same year, Joni had a one day vacation from the rehabilitation and she chose the Christmas day to be with her family in their home.

Joni remembered the events on her last Christmas with her Dick, they walked through the snow, and spent the Christmas Eve at the Cathedral. They even made angels in the snow and had some caroling.

That year was really different, but she was so happy that she was able to celebrated Christmas with family and some friends. She had a great time with them, but then she noticed that was so thin and she became so conscious on what she looked like.

When she went back to the rehab, she thought she could go back for a vacation again in her town, but her nurses told her that her bed sores are opened, and sitting up stretches her skin that makes her sores even bigger, so she has to go back with her Stryker Frame again.

Joni again, was so upset, and she had herself crying to sleep every night. She thought of committing suicide again, but she knew that she can’t do it because she cant move and she’s wrapped all around her body.

Dick was always trying to visit her and bond with Joni when he had a chance to hitchhike from Universityof Maryland, and Joni thought that she’s making it harder for Dick, so they decided to start as friends again. Joni even told Dick to find another girl that can make him happy. A bad idea for Dick, but he accepted it for Joni.

Because of the bed sore Joni continually had, she needed to undergo another surgery with her hip and tail bone. And because she can’t feel anything she won’t be needing any anesthesia. She was actually operated awake, she heard the sound of the equipments used during the surgery, and though she can’t feel it, she dreaded the sound. So instead, she closed her eyes and sang pessimistic songs.

After the recovery of her wounds, she was allowed to sit on her bed again. She was jolly that day and proud that she had already recovered for a short time, but the attendant brought her back to her stryker frame, Joni wondered why. The attendant told her that she was bleeding and that the surgery didn’t make it.

After weeks of being in the sryker again, Joni gave up the hope she had about walking again. Chris, her other attendant introduced to her a new hobby she can learn even without using her hands. Writing and drawing using her mouth. But then Joni tried to write using her mouth, and before she know it she had been drawing pictures using her mouth, even though at first, she feels like it was a disgusting thing to do and she doesn’t believe that it is possible to write, or draw using her mouth.

Everybody was amazed on what Joni can do, even without her hands. As a training Joni started writing verses from the Bible and trying to remember every promise God gave her.

Joni was so amazed when she had started drawing. She remembered when she was in school and still using her hands, she cant even draw a real drawing, but when she learned to draw with her mouth, she knew God was really working on her.

Every drawing and letters she makes, she put the initials PTL which means “Praise The Lord”. She praises God for what she can do despite of her paralysis.

Diana White, a friend from Young Life had brought Joni to a Bible Fellowship and and her to speak before the youth. Joni never had the idea about taking in front of many people, she also wondered what she’s going to tell them about.

She struggled on talking in front of the youth and promised not to do that ever again, but Steve, the speaker told her that she don’t have to give up just like that. She must learn how to talk in front of many people and tell them the life she had been living. He even told Joni that she should go to college and learn how to speak.

Joni was encouraged with what Steve told her, she entered college with the help of her sister Jay, and friend Diana.

Jay and Diana took notes for Joni, and the classes she attended was related with the topics she could discuss easily.

Even though she is attending class Joni still had many time for drawing and she give some of those drawing to family and friends. One day, Mr. Neill Miller called Joni’s dad, and visited him. Mr. Miller is a energetic, successful, Christian businessman. He is a Senior Field Underwriter for the Aetna Life and Casualty Company, as well as being actively involved with several Baltimorecharity drives. During Mr. Neill Miller’s visit to Mr. Eareckson, he noticed one of Joni’s drawings on the wall of the office. And there they planned a small exhibition at a local restaurant.

Joni was surprised with this exhibition, there were reporters too who was so curious about her thoughts, emotions, and feelings while drawing those pictures. Joni patiently answered the questions and told them that it was all about God’s blessing on her.

Now, Joni is an artist and author, radio personality and advocate for the disabled. She is the founder of Joni and friends in an organization accelerating Christian ministry in the disability community.